Thought Disorder

Friday, September 30, 2005

dream team- are we or are we not?

i reckon i don't deserve a seat in this so-called dream team. poo. i'd gladly give up my position to not ruin the whole thing because of one pure factoid: i'm so lousy that you all can just revolt at the sight of me. (hyperbole)

anyway today was the English paper. so hey, one more off the list. so that makes two. seriously i didn't exactly understand what i was penning for my essay (i chose 4: the pains of growing up) and i seriously regretted not revising that student model tll had given me recently and now i'm still cursing myself. i was incoherent in my essay and if i had read that model i might have been able to express myself more articulately, accurately and coherently. maybe it might have been a flawless piece. not exactly though, because i'm aware of ms wee's opposition.

i'm officially displeased because the question paper did not state that we had to write our summary on a fresh page so i didn't and now the teachers are contemplating deducting 2 marks from our paper, which is utterly unfair. and hello, twc never passed any instructions regarding this matter, and neither did ms wee. poo. this is daylight robbery. i shall write a complaint letter. ooh.

fine, i just feel like wailing.

during the exam i was ransacking my brains for synonyms: pain, growing up. i couldn't really come up with any that laudable. so i just kept repeating the same words and never attempted to play around with words. yeah okay sad. (later there will be a comment to use the complete plain words again)

and then again, maybe i should have forced myself to look at that passage and try to cram a few good points into my brain. baaaah i didn't.

maybe i balled a little too much today, to the extent that i got a sudden headache which perturbed me alot.

eventually it was just a short day which passed so ass fast i couldn't and wouldn't catch time and delay it.

'maybe'
qian made me blush! *

7:42 PM

Thursday, September 29, 2005

a summary of these few days: oh yeah kickass japanese is over.

i have english to worry.
ps: i shall not rant and rave at the unfair and biased treatment bestowed on me by the almighty teachers.
hellllo can you see my english is deproving, or maybe taking a deep plunge into hell. how can i ever retrieve it.
ah i hope pure inspiration strikes me like hot iron tomorrow. oh well then why am i still sitting in front of the box?! better get started or never.
a good night's sleep is undoubtedly heading my way.

thanks qiannie. you're my lucky star.
you're the light, you're the light when i close my eyes, i'm colourblind.

7:40 PM

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

it's a nice feeling to be home early, and best when you're at home and have absolutely nothing to do.

going to get cracking at 5pm, full blast Japanese.

yeah scheduled every single day properly for the following 3 weeks. it's total cramming time. quite depressing thought though: cooping yourself in the room for infinity hours with the door totally shut and being irritated by mosquitos (not those Aedes ones please) plus tons of books caving in on you.

today is a Friday-schedule day. we were dismissed early like every highly-anticipated Fridays. the feeling is awesome- waiting in sheer exasperation for that 12.25pm bell to ring and we'll all rush to the basketball court to engage in ball games.

ps: don't irritate me or i'll treat you 100000X worse. (shoooo off, if i were to put it in a unpleasant way)

CRAMMMMM.

4:47 PM

Monday, September 26, 2005

status: in the library in school BLOGGING and wanye is beside me now! (wonder what's she doing...)

today was pretty alright. phew accomplished an A1 for math. just a bare scrape across that excruciating mark please.

anyway we have singlehandedly formed the AGS, and now desperately recruiting members from everywhere. so anyone care to join?? :D PLEASE SUPPORT! (with about 4 members currently but alot of incoming i predict)

c'mon spread the unwavering 'love' won't ya? (BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!)

2:34 PM

They smell so utterly awesome, looks fantabulously delicious. They leave you absolutely drooling, unable to move as you are being stunned on the spot and you'd just feel time is slowing down for you to indulge in this moment of pleasure.

DUDE I HAVE BEN&JERRY'S COUPONS LET'S PARTAYE KICKASSSS!

I'm so tempted!
http://www.benjerry.com/
(kudos kudos to TLL i <3 being a child it rocks ultimately!)

And... I went over to Sportslink today after TLL.

My new school shoes which aren't too awesome but...
Still better than nothing!

12:14 AM

Saturday, September 24, 2005

this skin is a tad bit cliche right? i confess i just any-o-how did it. yeah. i'm lackadaisical, but i shouldn't be at this crucial point in time.

counting down, japanese exam in about 5 days time. i'm panicking! suppose it's time to get started.

just need to endure for 3 weeks! *gnaws at my teeth*

so i think i'll just leave this skin here and i'll get going to my books right away. wail.

3:00 PM

Friday, September 23, 2005

i need a new pair of shoes that can be worn to school! sponsor, anyone?

anyway, i don't feel very well now. exhaustion is bombarding my body and my mind feels so reluctant to move.

k but anyway i'll still continue this entry.

the balloting results are out. 2A is going to be against 2F and 2I (haha we're so gonna perish) but jing harbours a glimmer of hope in our chance of winning. she strongly believes that we stand a chance in clinching a trophy and the secret is to train harder and wisely. oh yeah kickass baby i'm so looking forward to that!

so afterall i think i'll still go according to chronological order.

yeah so today is a supposedly short day. fridays are still the best days of the week! i slipped into school for the umpteenth time today again and my father referred to me as a pink panther before i alighted. haha that's funny. and mr siva was so ass sarcastic to us during pe. (ps: we're not coached by him) we had a 2A vs 2J volleyball match and we won 3 out of 4 sets. i would like to comment. mr siva is TOO complacent that his class would win but we did anyway. he was hurling infuriating remarks at us and we were rather dissed. but we were also lacking in team co-operation and the in-promptu reactions to the incoming ball. plus we were hitting the wrong way and i could assert that the atmosphere was rather tense. (we haven't been training anyway)

math test was still okay. we had a super fast tempo for basketball today. please, i can feel the animosity breeding between every one of us. haha. it won't do any good for our upcoming interclass.

so during english ms wee had AP again. nat says she's always muttering to herself every now and then and i nodded and laughed in total agreement. right. i think she's crazy- she's totally mentally unsound! anyway she came in and demanded our english tltm assignments and i confessed that i had once again forgotten to bring it and she made a big stupid unnecessary fuss over it. (ms ngau is the one chasing after me, not her) i don't understand the problem that lies in her but she and i were kind of at loggerheads and obviously i was the losing party because she's the oh-so-mighty teacher and i'm the lowly student. apparently i had to just contend with her and not defy her requests for fear she'd say i disregard her. (OH WHATEVER!)

k yeah digressing here.
umm after school we had bball again. oh yeah and not to forget vball and a little soccer.
well i had my virgin experience of muscle cramps. it was so...inexplicable. paranoia hit me and i was hobbling around like an impaired ass. haha k i know i'm so stupid.
we played basketball and volleyball like never before. haven't been on a crazy basketball spree for purple moons until today. (because of darned CO practices that eat up my fridays)

evening, jing was giving me and wang a lesson on the art of surfing. (or is it serving? haha i don't know)
jing: yeah you got it right, but you need a little more strength.
me: haha k.
jing: when there's a wish there's a way.
me: *laughs* when there's a will there's a way!
jing: lol! i want when there's a wish there's a will!!
me: then after that you'll have the will and then the way..!
-
jing: need more strength!!
me: i dunno, i dunno how to...
jing: picture irene wee's face there and hit with all your might cos you hate her!!!
me: LOL OKAY.

i got the ball just over the net several fortunate times and it's not laudable at all please. plus i don't have such a hatred for ms wee anyway. (i don't reckon jing's method works anyway)

practice is all i need. i might not have an immediate improvement but still i'll just try my best.

yeah okay kudos to jing and wang for playing with me after everyone left. (:

maybe today was more of exhilarating than awesome.

wished you could just have supernatural eyes and see through my soul and recognise the affections i harbour.

9:39 PM

had an awesome day.(: later.

8:32 PM

Thursday, September 22, 2005

oh right i haven't been urging myself to do homework.
which reminds me, there's science workbook to deal with today. what can i say? i didn't do anything today after coming home except spend time with the computer and my bed. am an utter failure.

am a total failure.
am the world's biggest failure.

i think the world is interesting to mock at but it's simply so strange. (and despicable)

haha. maybe i'm just the odd one out.

shall gather myself today and indulge till tomorrow ends. when night falls i'm whipping out my books and start pouring over them again. approaching exams send chills down my spine. (!!)

ooh there's math test tomorrow. today's geography test was still okay i guess. well just pray for the best? that's what i can do.

i haven't started planning for my luxuries after the exams. it certainly can be classified under pure indulging. it's just no books just enjoyment. let's make that our motivation to trampling on the exam papers like easy feat.

my memory has failed me. let bygones be bygones.
i just wished that you'd stand behind the yellow line to my life. everyone, don't ever cross that line. you'll find me a total chore to live with and cannot wait to just finish me off in one blow. (you give me the impression that you don't really care so i don't think you should care too much anyway..)
perhaps people who really can fight those fearsome blockades and share the same thoughts can just easily enter. perhaps people whom i reckon i can spit and rant my grievances to instinctively deserve to share my woes.
i'd prefer to suffer alone than to make you all suffer with me. one suffering beats ten sufferings.
understand?
but still, thanks.
i think i need to bear this burden myself. whatever it is, it's definitely not easy to define it, or them. inexplicable matters that only i can decipher.
PS: because it's happening to me, not you or any other.
even if i used the most articulate language and idiomatic phrases, i won't be able to describe it so vividly that you really feel you're in my shoes.

www.seachurches.org
maybe.

11:39 PM

if the sacred three words would just spew naturally out, i would gladly declare it.
and the urge is so darn compelling, i envisioned it occurring and it seemed so real.
if i were to confirm i could feel you at the other line, making the best of split-second glances and yet trying to pull off a pretense, i would just make a confrontation.

hey, maybe.

6:17 PM

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

MOJO JOJO.

it has been a really slack week so far. i'm studying tomorrow's geography test in a slipshod fashion but i don't wish to care less. well the shortlived feeling of being unstressed is totally wonderful. last week was really cramming week and i was really really on the verge of a mental breakdown. this week feels entirely different from last week. is that a good or a bad sign?

so...counting down to my first exam. 8 days. 8 days later i would be sitting for my Japanese exam and then the list flows on after that. on the really highly-anticipated october 14th, we'd be throwing all our books into the drain and flushing out all knowledge from our brains. gosh it's such a nice scene worthed waiting for. AND i have SO MANY things i need to do. i think i'll start planning from tomorrow..ALRIGHT!!

oh yeah, not to forget 17-19 october- Interclass Games. (ps: we're so going to lose.)

someone approached me and asked me to attend church today.
it was a total stranger. i was waiting for the mrt to arrive when this woman came up to me and she suddenly talked to me (i thought she was about to ask for directions) which gave me a scare because she just popped out from nowhere. (i'm abit blind you see...)
HAHA i'm still amused and dazed by that situation. she asked me to attend church sessions and told me about God and seeking yourself during those sessions. she said if i were to attend i would be attached to a youth group (i'd always have the impression that it's fun) and she also gave me a brief introduction.
anyway, the church is located at punggol, which is not very far away.
after exams. (:
MAYBE.
i think i need to be in the arms of God to retrieve myself from the web my life had weaved for me.

the desire for that particular scene to renact. it's so strong i can't conquer the strength of it. c'mon time just screw yourself backwards to that detestable yet momentous day where i get to change fate and probably i'd even be a happier person now.
too late to regret, though.
am wishing for a console to come along.
no one catches like you do.

hey, maybe.

10:17 PM

Monday, September 19, 2005

i'm urgently waiting for this brat to come online right away, since she refuses to tell me what the hell is the bad news and insists to converse online. apparently i'm itching for the so-called bad news, which might sound either neutral in my ears or sound alarming of sorts.

wail. today was bad. the morning kind of ruined my whole thing yeah.

i had a sucky severe nosebleed which almost flooded my tissue paper with gruesome bloody blood. curse it. it's thanks to the unpardonable ferrero rocher i indulged in yesterday i reckon. i feel utterly horrid please.

the light in my room has spoilt and i had to grope my way around in the dark and causing me to bump into dark unknown silhouettes.

school was pretty acceptable. not looking forward to anything i guess.

mr kiw held an assembly for the sec twos today.
thoughts stiked me again. well i guess, life's so troublesome, we're distraught by countless of problems which are so perturbing. around us, the environment is withering; the capricious economy which is entirely fatal; the breaking of millions of rice bowls; the problems of society, involving the animosity between countries, divorces, pre-marital sex etc; health issues like AIDS, dengue fever and the list will go on and on continuously.
why not all mankind just perish instead of racking brains for solutions to these problems? it's all worthless after we catch our last breath. why make this world a better place when we're the ones slogging behind for just a simple shortlived happiness? it just doesn't spell sense to me.

well okay that's something off my brain. (my palm is filled with short lines, symbols of troubles in my mind)

hmm okay shall get over and on. we had to stay back for some lit presentation today. our class sent a representative, which was WOW-ing awesome and infinitely laudable. we just deserve the gold with honours trophy yeah? (jing's acting skills was superb, coupled with the rest who unleashed their real talents) t'was a really jolly good laughing session.

wanye had made plans for today: make our way to kfc and have a good delicious meal there. and it was totally enjoyable. i was extremely full that when i got up my tummy hurt alot. well the aircon in the fastfood restaurant was perking for such a terribly humid day but as we lingered there longer it got really cold and i even went 'brr'.

no more elaborations. alright. since my room light is not working, this is a perfect excuse for me to not study (ROCKING ASSS!).

i've just mastered the ability of hacking javascripts (that's an accomplishment in my opinion!) and therefore i conclude that MY BLOG'S JAVASCRIPT might face the possibility of being hacked (yeah i know of one who hacked it) so i've decided to remove the javascript since it poses no barrier anymore.

anyway, i have a XANGA and i love it more than blogger.

9:31 PM

Saturday, September 17, 2005

i'd just thought, i've been made an utter fool and shouldn't have even allowed my emotions to penetrate into my actions in the first place. damn i feel like i'm the engender of this entire situation.

hahaha right whatever i don't feel so gutsy to look up, just bending my head at a certain angle to avoid any attraction.

i am so embarrassed and yet awed.

i should just cut myself off from the world. see, the internet is such a lie. plus state-of-the-art gizmos, all just plain unessential things.

enough of that. right. because i've been feeling so downright not good this week, i haven't been able to sit down and blog properly of my days. like..perhaps my encounters? lets just act as if i'm blogging as per normal okay. (and please i've decided, no more 14/9 entry)

and let's pretend today was yesterday. oh so have you convinced yourself you're actually reading an entry published on 16/9?

i mentioned about the tests..they weren't exactly excellent.

anyway after school audrey faith and i flounced off to kovan, and were expecting it to be a nice day. (?)

the taxi driver who ferried us there was so surly and standdofish. what service attitude. he commented that my chinese is lousy (and not like his is in any means better) and i gave lousy directions to him. (i'll make sure i don't flag a taxi like yours ever again) it is because more of more of his species are appearing that the newspaper had an entire feature on lousy services happening in Singapore. (and we had to pay him for his suck-bad attitude)

it was alright. we didn't get to see who we wanted to see. (and i mean, i want and at the same time, don't want to meet him in any ways.) i'm so entirely not cut out for involving myself in sports, neither am i suitable for a music cca. well okay i still cannot find my momentum in anything, and my forte is absolutely nothing. (maybe i'm good at stirring trouble)

see and i warned you all heartland mall is an insipid place with nothing that will trigger any interest in you guys. and you all had seen for yourselves.

the journey through comics connection left me relatively sparked, not exactly though. they were busy discussing about manga and i was lost in their words because like what audrey said, i'm like an idiot at mangas. yeah. i like manga but i don't have an idea which is nice/makes you high and swoon. so they recommended me some (which i think i'd contemplate buying on some day when i strike it rich) and they argued over which is better. whatever it is, i'll just try to venture into the world of manga but hopefully i won't be that crazy like audrey, total obsession.

maybe there'll even be a manga character that resembles takuya kimura and i'd totally go insane.

i think netball left a rather good impression on me and if given the chance i'd want to take it up. (wanye would go totally fantatic please)

mooncake festival celebration was pretty alright. since i was at kovan, i had a sudden urge to just head home and skip that time-consuming activity, in exchange for a nice long nap but i didn't anyway.

when i got back to school, i joined the others for a short volleyball period, which i think i gave them AP.

during the festival jolene was performing her so-called magic trick, i think qiannie fell for it at her first attempt. hahaha. joLAME is such a professional at such stuffs, and then mayfong had a shot at it. we had a hearty good laugh. quoted from mayfong, "I, Chan May Fong, of Class 2A, am going to push this coin into your ear", or something like that. she's hell comical and we're certainly going to miss her when she leaves for another prestigious school.): bon voyage! (is it appropriate?!)

it all ended quite soon and earlier than planned. wanye and i presumed that the 158 bus would be packed with sardines so we decided to linger around for a little longer.

so we did.

and then we went to kup food. stuffed convenience tidbits (those given by the school which we salvaged after the festival) and also ate beehoon there, i think they're leftovers from the buffet the teachers had. (they don't give priority to the students!)

bballed for a while. the tempo of the game was really fast! and i was left rather dazed there. but it kinda cheered me up a little, i guess. left school at about 10pm. woah really late. jing made us take 158 the other direction.

yeah and i had a small rant at the bus-stop whilst waiting for the bus to arrive. i didn't had the intention to but i still did it so, haha.

well well i reached home at about 11.15pm. (the 62 bus was PACKED at such an hour)

and then today i woke up at mid-day. so half my day was contributed to the sleeping factor.

today's my sister's birthday (PLEASE LMAO) and i had a really good helping of her cake. (yummy it's mango!) the plan to have lunch at sake sushi backfired and my sister wasn't very happy but who cares. i was lazy to go out anyway. and i spent my day with the book nat had lent me on some day back, and did homework as well.

i'm happily idling here and the EOYs are just around the corner. ironic.

that stupid lame sms regarding yesterday and the kudos thing was spiteful. even if you had a fantastic blast, you shouldn't have sent me this stupid thing because mine was wholly bad. it makes me so...surprised. or are you just smarting from the misfortune i've met? whatever it is, i'm pretty sure you'd like the idea that i'll just stop doing anything from preventing your deeper-growing acquaintance with her and let you have your own way. please, your evil intentions. and i so DO NOT know you or even want you to get near me. keep your distance away from me. i will not accomodate you in my life, but i'll just let you have your way, considering the circumstances now. someday i'll get back at you, i swear. evil witch of black magic, horrendous laughter and unappreciated presence.

9:21 PM

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

this is a huge sigh from me. SIGH.
conclusions: school makes me depressed over work and other unimportant things that perturb me tons. school tires me out as if i've been running a marathon non-stop; it's killing me. school holds no future for me because i'm not least interested in any subjects- where will it lead me to eventually? school is an entire chore, a place similar to Hell, somewhere without smiles (even there are they are lies), and i can't visualise a proper reason why should i even attend school, or even study?
because i'm dying horribly here. i seriously am, with zilch alternatives to take.
schools are lies. some friends are lies. teachers are lies. homework are lies. examinations are lies.

everything is just deja vu. i feel encapsuled in a cage by my own life which i'm supposed to mould it but now it seems to be controlling me instead, moulding me into an irrecognizable shape that isn't...me.

PS: school isn't fun at all. it's like a living hell and no getaways can be tolerated.

why is everything always crumbling at such a crucial phase?

fortunately my saviour has willed itself into my life. the television is a facade but after getting so fanatic about a show you'll at least have something you can look forward to everyday. (at this point in time i feel a teeny-weeny bit happier) so dimensional a box can do. so miraculous, it seems to blow you out of your seat. you just forget that you're living in year 2005. (WATCH: my date with a vampire 3)

which is something glorious that can actually do good.

hey, let's put our hands together to welcome this guest blogger.

Hello! I'm the Panasonic television set that lives in the Yap household. They simply cannot get over a day without having the unsurmountable urge to press my magical on-button and sit back, relax and enjoy the programmes that are shown on my screen. I've spotted this really over-tanned tomboyish girl who comes rushing to me every Monday and Tuesday without fail at 7.30pm. As I can memorise the television programmes like the back of my umm, wires, I am aware that she is watching this Japanese debut show on Channel U, which is Pride. Everytime the programme is shown, she wouldn't dare to blink her eyes as she is afraid she will unintentionally miss a glimpse of the hotstar Takuya Kimura, otherwise popularly known as Mu Chun Tuo Zai. Everytime Takuya flashes his killer smile and grin, that twit will beam ear-to-ear, swooning madly over this Japanese guy. He is indeed cute and handsome, but look, if it wasn't for me, that brat wouldn't have the fabulous opportunity of catching him on television. I'm of grave importance as you can see. I can do so many wonders that will wow millions, or perhaps, the world. (I'll someday dominate the world please.)

and how true it is. (: TAKUYA!

10:02 PM

it's awfully important to be mindful of your words please.

i wasn't really mindful of mine, because i want them to be straight from my heart/mind and intentional. look, my utterances had proven their worth but i don't reckon you got my picture.

goodness, can you then be stereotyped as an intelligentsia? well you can just spend your life wishing for this impossible dream or just remind yourself- FAT HOPE.

i own no guts to tick you off in the face. that's one pitiful value of mine. i wished i had this powerful ability to disfigure your zipless mouth in order to enable to shut that unappreciated trap. (you're talking too much, especially about yourself)

this is a reiterated reminder that i really wished you'd just vanish out of my sight. you fancy yourself as a goddess, an intellect, an utterly sociable person (on account of the number of friends you really own please). oh you're so oh-so-wonderful and pleasant to the eye.

damn. i wanted to eschew you but you just came knocking on my door. (i even pretended that you were invisible please) then you kept in tow with me, following like a helpless being (or rather, DOG) shaking you off is such a terribly treacherous task.

and if you don't wish to study for the upcoming terrifying exams, don't tug innocent victims in with you because you're the dog, not us. plus, i really wish for Christmas that you fail your EOYs (i know that's really bad and evil for a wish) and then cry in vain and realise you're just a pseudo-intellectual who is attempting to be the creme de la creme.

slangs are NOT idiomatic and grammatically correct English. for heaven's sake.

my so-called 'best friend' has been snatched/coaxed by you and i have no more valuable possessions for you to destroy/terrorise so why are you still aiming at me when i purposely don't answer your lame questions and don't even bother to pass you a single glance? you have ONE friend and you ought to be contented and stop being so greedy. ONE friend for you is more than enough and so much of an unexpected miracle- by right you shouldn't even possess one.

leave me alone and stop boasting about how terrific a ~~person~~ dog you are.
because you stink of filthy cheese, everyone evits you and i'm the specific one who is very very particular about you. (so stop lying your punchbag head on me, i cannot wait to get a bath to rid myself of your stench)

*

i didn't do well for my Japanese test): which was one of my causes of being slow-reacting and depressed. plus that...dog. irk.

do you even know you met me? do you care or do you don't? (you pass hints that i often mistake as hints and sometimes you don't even care and i'm left...confused)

or you aren't the rightful person i'm seeking? (and still standing on the same spot after so long)

admiring does nothing much to my situation.

5:37 PM

Monday, September 12, 2005

i'd just thought that everything would be perfectly fine. so impeccable.
yet it's just another weight added to my already challenged and complicated mind but there seems to be no answer that will clear my doubts at a zap.
i'd wish i was just in virtual reality and everything i committed was just my alter ego, not me. for the sake of making turbulent waves in my current life more peaceful, i'd wish everyone has another genuine persona of themselves and what they are revealing now is just all but a facade of lies.
please God please i've embarked on this perfidious journey leading to hell and isn't there an 'exit' sign which is so near, yet so far? it might be just beside me and i just cannot manage to spot it. don't tell me that i'd crumble at this young phase.

SIGH; just bestow upon me a polished and flawless solution.

anyway today wasn't really very good. although there wasn't the routine practice today (yay! :D) but it didn't make much of a difference.
i have like, a ton of uncompleted+pending homework. this is yet another period where i fall into depression. to aggravate matters, i have to contend with public transport until thursday, which is utterly bad bad news. ):

one good thing, i've found my another solace- the almighty television. finally, i recover you from my lost memories. my passion and fanatical craze over tv serials has made a comeback! see okay maybe i'm sucked into virtual reality on that wonder-doing box.

hahaha are you disappointed by my oh-so-good news?
i am not in the mood for jokes. umm okay that's quite ironic.

this is how i exactly feel now- ):
give me that antidote to all!

9:24 PM

Saturday, September 10, 2005

in those highly cliche songs
mariah carey's We belong together
mcfly's Obviously

reminded me of the plight it's in now.):

didn't get anything much done today (which includes homework) hmmm so i'm going to be in hot soup on monday but who cares especially when, darn, i've got loads of crap things to make myself busy with.

i saw this pair of grey+orange+white nike dunks i liked alot today and i'm working towards my sponsorship!

and i checked out the guitar courses available at yahama today. audrey we're going to be fellow guitarists soon. darn cool. (: when's eoys going to start/finish anyway? (so that i will have a rough idea when exactly can i enrol myself into a guitar course :D)

guitar = :D (ahem you know, yeah :D)

today was pretty boring. i didn't get to do much except the fatal and guilty act of indulgence. finally got my long-awaited ajisen meal (my mum promised me ages) and savoured dark chocolates which this man claims it rids your body of toxics and is not fattening. (how is it even possible please?) i think chocolates does good only by releasing happy endorphins into your body but i'm feeling quite annoyed now. (guess the endorphins worn off)

haha it doesn't feel that 'tis the season to be jolly and seems like the holiday spirit within me has dissipated? like okay, i admit that i'm bored.

i'm a big fat stout teapot ready for anyone to smash me into smitterins. oh i would gladly thank you if you do that to me.

ps. studying season. mind whirling madly. madness in life. insanity lurking around the corner. zilch enjoyable enjoyments. fair-weathered idiots. bad time management. crushed heart.

hey, i'm breaking down.

10:02 PM

Friday, September 09, 2005

still not in a very pleasant mood. i totally screwed co practice today because my eyes feel really bleary and my body feels mentally and physically lethargic. was catching some short naps during available times. i wasn't very pleased today. the weather was terribly humid and getting on my nerves. everything just went in a reversed fashion.

Felicia, you follow your heart when it comes to success

You're an impassioned individual who just can't suppress your ideals. You've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and want to let people know when they've crossed the line. Sure, there are times when you sit back to hear both sides of an argument. But people had better stay out of the way when your fiery passions take hold.

But just because you can be a bit of a rebel with a cause, it doesn't mean you're incapable of being understanding and compassionate. It's because you're so invested in your ideas and interests that you can work so tirelessly toward your goals and speak up for what you believe in. So keep pouring your heart into it. With conviction like yours, you're sure to succeed!

I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'D CROSSED MY TOLERANCE LINE.
saving for a new converse basketball. (because of you-know-what reason) someone if you pity me then get it for me. (by the way that idiot who crashed my basketball still owes me compensation, 11 dollars if i'm not wrong)

it's sad; i've resolved not to beat around the bush anymore. i might as well just open my explicit content and start cursing twits here on my ground. plus, i don't care who reads it anymore. if you're unhappy, that's your own problem. idiots/eyesores get off this space and FRIENDS get to remain.

haha i wished something wonderful will just come and happen to me to liven up my now-mundane life. (whatever it is, please come quick i'm dying)

this is a reiteration.
NO ONE TOUCHES MY THINGS EVER AGAIN.

8:10 PM

Thursday, September 08, 2005

<33,>do not enjoy it.

my parents always claim that i don't value my possessions, especially those high-costing whimsical luxuries. however in actual fact, i DO value my possessions. i value them more than my life! do you always see me getting paranoid about didum? when handled by another person, i will feel insecure and queasy and i hate to say this, i don't even want to share it with others. why should i? even if i share it with others, i always make sure that i'm holding it, and it'll be safe in my hands. nothing will ever happen to it.

and today was indeed ironic and capricious. went out safely and came back in...an unrecognizable shape.

brat. twit. i am paranoid and tears flowed relentlessly. paranoia, it costs 400+ which is equilvalant to 4 hard days of work to my parents. they bought it for my leisure and hope that i will take absolute good and tender care of it but now, it's spoilt and i cannot confirm its fate and it feels like, their money and effort all gone down the drain? i feel utterly bad, like a total letdown and failure in every aspect. didum is a pocket-burning gizmo which i my fair-weathered friend destroyed, leaving the consequences for me to bear? i ain't a fool. why does my stuffs always get terrorised by people around me? i hate it. i loathe it. what if i destroy all of your valuables? does it feel good?

i know it wasn't an intention of yours but i just cannot help it. spitting fire does heal some anger within me.

and where's that supposed proper apology from you? i don't think you even want to give a hoot about it.

(all of these is from my biased perspective. i doubt you'll get to read it anyway.)

NO ONE EVER TOUCHES MY POSSESSIONS EVER AGAIN.

11:22 PM

today wasn't very good. (twas the least of my expectations)

the utmost reason is that DIDUM IS SPOILT and in a really bad state that i'm not even certain if it can be repaired and even if that is possible it'll cost like hundreds? (read: Wednesday 7 September , that imminent danger please, has indeed materialized.)

and please if i repair it, ahem, i think you ought to compensate me. (for God's sake i think i shouldn't entrust you with my things anymore)

apart from that,
1. my shooting was totally off. i couldn't find my momentum.
2. audrey decided not to come afterall and qian couldn't make it.
3. i didnt manage to accomplish anything good today. (like doing my homework seriously)
4. i have not a single penny left in my wallet.
5. i got snubbed by the bus twice.

things that at least made my day happier
1. i finally got my hotcakes.
2. my virgin experience in bowling. it was fun! (:
3. amelia's house- her guitar and her dog and her mum are so nice!
4. i saw EIGHT. hahaha. he looks like 'him'.
5. my dentist was happy with my teeth progress. pheeew.

i had severe AP today and i was dissing people off. sorry, it can't be helped after THAT happened. ):
i cannot deny the fact that i was VERY ANNOYED and IRATE and DISPLEASED today though i was putting on a pretense that i was indifferent about it. my level of tolerance has hit the max and I CANNOT WAIT TO GET RID OF YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL.

amelia i think you seriously are a true and nice friend and we'll still play bball together even after you leave dhs for vjc okay.
audrey i think you had been really tolerating my AP for quite some time and thanks for listening to my rants today.
feltay i think you rock too because you've been tolerating me too and trying to calm me down and reassuring me that everything's going to be alright. and for listening to my woes too.
qiannie i think you provide a real good listening ear and the pillar of support for me. my motivation for studying, let's work harder!
(:

NO ONE TOUCHES MY THINGS FROM NOW ON.

8:38 PM

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

hahaha k so i'm back in a jiffy. the entire process took me about like 2 hours more or less. that's like, very fast, according to feltay. hahaha. and to think i thought it would take me longer and i'll be reaching home at or about 4. ironic.

i met some old friends today but i guess they couldn't recognise me or i was too lazy to just go up to them and say hi. that's so me. i'm like that. indifferent attitude.

on a lighter note i just traversed from the mrt station all the way to the siemens centre and got my scroll repaired (god bless it!) and so it feels much much more secure now.

then i headed to takashimaya and got my bag. yay. like finally i've got it after much contemplation.

HE'S SO CUTE. (:

takuya kimura.

i guess i'll have to get going with my homework now. it's now or never. i choose the former. not that i enjoy it. i am reluctant but it's a must must MUST.):

3:30 PM

i don't know if...

1) i should make my way to siemens to repair my phone's scroll
2) i should pop in at the puma shop at orchard to get my puma bag
3) i can complete ALL of my holiday work in time
4) i should cook something for myself to eat or save the hassle by eating out
5) whether i want my puma bag badly or do i not want it

state of confusion and the premunition of imminent danger: someone please provide an answer, a solution to all.

anyway, i'm done with my geography test paper, excluding some questions that i don't exactly know the answer to it. one thing off that scary list. (:

i think i'll just go to siemens and then make a decision if i should head to takashimaya for my bag.

this year has been a slack year so far. where's my promise of working harder and getting better grades? it seems to have dissipated into thin air. my promise still had a relatively good headstart at the beginning- my mid-year results are good in my approach because i've improved quite a great deal.
and now, look at my slipshod barely-scraping grades. i don't think i can make it pass that excruciating 70. i'm such a letdown to everything and the money wasted on my money-raping tuition fees feels like everything has just, gone down the drain.
studying makes life so difficult. i can't even sit down for a mere 2 hours to study.
then maybe when i grow up i'll die in the workforce and making ends meet is too much of a treacherous matter. perhaps i'll be another burden to the country, thinking and wishing for fortune to strike me on some lucky day.

obstacle to overcome- EOYs. (i am 100% unprepared for this nightmare)

9:49 AM

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Math has become a chore for me. no more feats already, i'm struggling with a mere 2002 test paper ms. ngau assigned us and eventually i decided to do it on another day when i'm feeling better. ):

i'm done with the trigo exercise. at least.

sitting down to do homework makes time stretch into infinity.

prolonged computer usage results in a major headache occurence. sigh.

hotcakes on thursday, anybody? (:
i simply cannot wait. (!!!!!) 'COS I'M DYING OF BOREDOM HERE.
i hate the thought of exams approaching.

3:58 PM

t'was featured in 8 days as the epitome of cool.

i'm like oh-my-god hankering after a digital camera.

headache again. later.

1:00 PM

Monday, September 05, 2005

jiahui: SORRY your skin's coming real soon! i'll try my utmost best to create a nice one but zilch inspiration has yet to strike me. ):

since today's entry quite uninteresting, i shall upload pictures to incentivise readers (if there are?!)

cookie ahoy!

whoopieee it's cookie! (:

whatcha doing?!

did something interesting just happen??? *purr*

and now i'm off it. *yawn*

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

apple + milk = cross-out-doctors

so much for the energy-boosting images. roar. that's the disadvantage of not possessing a dropdead cool-gorgeous-hip-sleek-sexy-funky camera. and please for God's sake, i do not even own one.
and i like photography! ):

see, i'm in the midst of jiahui's skin. ay-okay.

misterk, you're the sole proprietor of my affection.
but you'll be unaware, for eternity. it's okay. it will be gone, like the wind, soon as time fades into decades.

i forgot that i bought 8 days! (:
I READ THIS BLOG AND I THINK IT'S WORTHWHILE TO TAKE OFF A FEW MINUTES IN YOUR LIFE READING IT. aha but maybe you think otherwise.

11:17 PM

it's approximately time to get cracking on my homework isn't it? ): homework breeds trouble. but being slack begets your ruined future.

a good headstart: D&T project. and probably Math i guess.

by the way, kovan-bballing is on okay. PS: DO NOT BE LATE(:
venue: you know, that CC behind kovan.
time: 9am (for early birds) or 10am (you still aren't late) or 11am (you are a total bummer. no breakfast for you then.)
attire: yeah. i think you know yourself better.
who's going: ME! auddie, nat, amelia (birds of the same flock; we're going early!), qiannie (i think). that's about it.

of course these are quiessential details. but why am i blogging it out? (i can't find a relevent topic to rant on,so.. :D)
i am so cheong hei.

today was so-so.

i realise i need my wax now. wind blows; poof; hair messy; wails; day, no more. ):

11am and i got myself out of the house heading for school. it's one sad thing- going for CO practices on such a fine fine day. especially on Mondays, because i think CO on Mondays suck bad like very very bad.

the only good thing was the strong and WOWing aircon in the CO room. it perked me up alot, lucky. such a fortunate thing. (:

that's about it. my day. (i left out alot..there's nothing much to learn/enjoy today)
so long Monday. hello Tuesday.
I'M SO BORED.

9:45 PM

Sunday, September 04, 2005

perhaps it's patently true that you're unwittingly showing a plethora of unappreciated and peevish dramas of displaying deliberate composures (which irritates me to the max of my ultimate tolerance!!) hence resulting in my standdofish attitude towards you.

I'M WASHING MY HANDS OFF YOU, PUR-LEASE.

blatantly portrayed in my brusqueness. hello? i cannot tolerate your presence!! *SCREAMS*

AND AREN'T YOU A PETITE LITTLE PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL?

i'm entirely dissed but i am struggling to recover my equilibrium now.

*

you're greatly invited! WELL WELL WELL.
i am uncertain where you purloined that request but i'm like 100% specific uh-uh.

GUILEFUL BEING. *baaaa*

*

i'm being like oh-my-god helpful but i feel so awkward.
but if the relationship can be salvaged successfully i'll consider it a good deed done on my part. it's going to be perfidious, very very. only involved parties can save it, not me. i'll provide advice as a commentless onlooker to improve it. yeap. (:
(of course QUARELLING is a BAD THING!)

i shouldn't have meddle in this in the first place.

(i'm witnessing a two-perspective thing now.)

AAH CAN I JUST SLAP MY ASS AND WALK AWAY AND NOT BOTHER MYSELF?
sadly, no.

conclusion: BGRs ARE BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD.
i will never never never be involved in such temporary whimsical luxuries.

*

my ideal ambition is to be a journalist who speaks idiomatic English with lilt and pens reflectively and intelligently who rules the roost. trudging on the path towards this dream please.

comparing tll's English standard to mine, it's such a far cry. ): it's too much of a stark contrast.

and one really important thing to note: PLEASE STOP STEPPING ON MY NERVES YOU'RE REALLY GETTING ME ON IT.

or shall i be dour with you? (:

*

there's this thing called friendster, which i was once obsessed with, and it really interests me. i enjoy looking at adolescents' profiles (yeah just surfing around) and i'll have a really nice laugh to destress and rolling of my eyes.

guys are being weirdly oversweet and desperate to meet girls by uploading pictures of themselves with the natural 'variables' a girl hankers after-spiky and hip hair, big eyes, cute little killer smile etc.
girls are trying to be cliche and CAPITAL LETTERS WRESTS CONTROL. (this one i don't mind) and they distort names and words which make it sound...retching. of course they upload pictures of themselves with attempts to look as kawaii as possible- big goldfish-on-anaestesia-eyes, puny and pouted smiles etc.

and i much loathe the part where they totally distort the English language. i can quite decipher it but it's agreeable that it's indeed annoying.

WOW.
this is the future generation of young and promising (still) Singapore.

8:59 PM

it's raining cats and dogs outside.): wet blanket; so much for the starting of a tuition day.

anyway clarence you suck bad because you always trouble me with the shangyin things and leaving me speaking in incoherent and weird chinese to mary and having to arrange for lesson timings to please our schedules is one tough matter because it's just plain troublesome!

aaah.

i just remembered that i have dental appointment on thursday. on kovan-bballing day.
but i guess it doesnt really much affect the bball thing. i'm officially complaining that the september holidays are too short, too jammed pack with too much work, too many CCA days arranged for such a short break, and too little time for myself (ENJOYMENT PLEASE).

I HAVE SO MANY THINGS AT HAND!!! *wails*

see, okay i'm going to plan a schedule/timetable for myself so that i will be able to allow all my activities to be squeezed into one pithy week.

12:32 PM

Saturday, September 03, 2005

THANKS TO MY DAD i didn't make it to the comex show. (!!!)
it's only a short 4 days and poof it's going to be gone. my sole chance of getting a digital camera is like, poof. onomatopoeia.

i assure you i'm not wailing away in utter frustration.

i know you're assured.

anyway, the 'celebration' was a kinda flop. a waste of time, transportation fees and effort. it was just robbing me of rest. yes rest for my soul and my brain with the headache bothering me again. so why am i still sitting here?!

i don't give a hoot!

aah.

i think i'm acting like an infantile brat here.

i think audrey's frustrated with me. (sorry)

i AM annoyed with my idiotic dog for heaven's sake! and that's the prime reason for my annoyance.

i'm wailing.

4:06 PM

yesterday was ignition- ; today is -incoherently. (!)

i am still not satisfied! hence i shall go hunting hunting for new ideas/words.(:

anyway i think CO is so troublesome. it's a nice saturday morning-going-on-to-afternoon and bummer, at about 11.45am i have to leave my house and head for eunos. i feel utter lackadaisicalness looming around me, and plus that unenthusiastical spirit of mine, how can i possibly enjoy it?!
shall i give it a wonderful miss?
or shall i just go for the sake of going?

it's a hot languorous afternoon. buzz buzz buzz. the sun is high up in the sky like a huge chariot of fire beating heat waves onto my already-burnt back.

what a torture!

yet about the comex show- I'M MAKING A SUPERDUPERWHOOPIE TRIP THERE!!
today i think.

here's a gist (or rather in severe detail) of the holiday homework the teachers had thrown us. and damnnn i forgot to get the science test paper but since i don't know about it in the first place, i shall carry on this pretense.

-math test papers
-math exercises on trigo (tb)
-math file corrections and packing
-math ask&learn
-geography test paper
-geog articles
-geog workbook
-geog overdued comic (!)
-art mindmap and sketches
-d&t project (EHHHH!)
-mug for chinese and physics test

that should be it. i think. maybe there are still some overdued work creeped up in an unknown corner, waiting for me to discover them.

and my holidays. day-by-day schedule. torturous.

monday: erhu lesson. CO practice. math tuition.
tuesday: kovan-bballing i think. study session then.
wednesday: erhu lesson, i'm not sure yet.
thursday: kovan-bballing supposedly. then also must have study session.
friday: entire day reserved for damned CO practice.
saturday: chiong homework.
sunday: tuition day.

one week is apparently not enough.

aaaahhh anyway i'm going to the comex show! after that darned erhu thing. ((((:

10:38 AM

Friday, September 02, 2005

i don't reckon it's cool at all. NOOOO.

so weird. so weird. SO WEIRD!!

aha. i'll get on with mine, and watch the world evolve. i know i'm obsolete. but maybe this is a niche. (?!)

in the future i'll make mega bucks in my career. (!!!)

(:

what. i'm a nerdy mugger. mugging all day long. it doesnt kill anyway. fun is not in my dictionary. :D

lot lot lot homework homework must do. ):

mummy please bring me to the comex show!
someone please go kovan-bballing, just for the sake of playing bball and nothing else.

8:56 PM

Thursday, September 01, 2005

i've been feeling really bad for the whole day and the cause of it is eye problems. (as in, physically, not mentally)

it might be myopia. but it occurred to me that it might be astigmatism. (!)

Astigmatism
Provided by American Optometric Association

Astigmatism is a vision condition that occurs when the front surface of your eye, the cornea, is slightly irregular in shape. This irregular shape prevents light from focusing properly on the back of your eye, the retina. As a result, your vision may be blurred at all distances.

People with severe astigmatism will usually have blurred or distorted vision, while those with mild astigmatism may experience headaches, eye strain, fatigue or blurred vision at certain distances.

Most people have some degree of astigmatism. A comprehensive optometric examination will include testing to diagnose astigmatism and determine the degree.

Almost all levels of astigmatism can be optically corrected with properly prescribed and fitted eyeglasses and/or contact lenses.

Corneal modification is also a treatment option for some patients.

damn!

*

continued.

i think kelly did a better job in superstar grand finals. and i'm like a stranger to this programme. haha. somehow i have suddenly turned a liking towards chinese songs. :D
those primary school days when i was crazy over mandopop. the trend reversed when i walked into the light of english songs.
i should be entrenching and indulging in both anyway. since i'm a unflatteringly so-so bilingual student.

kelvin's singing on national tv now. my comment: FEI4 YU4 QING.

still i insist on my viewpoint: kelly did a better job at appealing, performance and confidence.

nonetheless i'm satisfied with kelvin. his voice is unwavering and solid.
i sit on the fence okay!

it has been bugging me like ever shit, casting shadows in my mind.
i cannot once get my mind off.
damnit. i need some peace out here. i need some ventilation. I NEED SPACE FOR VENTING.

why is there school tomorrow! unessentially extra. and CO is too much of an arduous cca! just having CO practices poofs two days of my holidays away. POOF!

PS: can someone go kovan-bballing with me? :D

7:11 PM

i'm drooling of boredom.

argh so no kovan bballing today. i'm pretty annoyed. and i'm definitely bored here with absolutely nothing to do, except looking at that messed up pile of worksheets beside me now waiting patiently for me to rearrange and file them properly into my math file.

eeeeew no ew! don't force me into relishing my homework; it will never work out!

*
i slacked half of my day away. :D

an sms woke me up in the morning, at about 10am. i grudgingly woke up and went online. lunchtime seemed so far away, i was utterly famished then.
i went to packet lunch at about 11am. i even bought two packets of chili tapioca to indulge myself today.
after eating lunch i plonked myself onto the sofa and fell asleep while 'enjoying' the television programmes on tv. (i was watching lame cartoons)
something woke me up halfway through my slumber and i unknowingly grabbed the chili tapioca lying on the table and gorged myself.
and i slept again.
the same thing happened.

i don't know what's with me.
tralalala. festive holiday spirit!!! tomorrow's a normal school day to muddle through and then we're freeeeeeee for one entire week!

that's something nice to anticipate. :)

*

i should have gone to orchard to get my puma bag today, which was just now. i cannot possibly go now. it's raining heavily outside, i'm feeling lazy, i will reach home late and cannot finish my homework then.
sigh. am i even doing my homework now? no.
but there's this consolation inside me: it's still 3.51pm. i can always start at 4pm.

which will never happen.

*
just thought ranting does me some good.

everyone seems to be pre-occupied in their own activities nowadays, and there's no room left for other things to develop.

can't you see, qian has a boyfriend; natalie doesn't reply my sms mostly so we seldom chat via sms; audrey is addicted to manga-reading; wanye isn't online very often; feltay too. and etcetera, sorry we just cannot click very well.

conclusion: FELICIA IS ALONE and BORED.
engaging herself in the most simple pleasures of life. saying insignificant things in a bid to spice up her life. waiting for things to happen themselves. a very quiet onlooker. searching for new things to do. waiting in vain. (!!!)

i'll try to be occupied with myself.

our time is borrowed and spent to freely. every minute i have needs to be made up, but how? i'm looking for a nice way to say "i'm out." i want out.

3:20 PM

About

Felicia studied in Dunman High School, loves elmo, is a major drama addict and is a cake lover. She has quit coffee even though she loves it.